


Some Things Are Simply Regretful

by orphan_account, Sherb42



Category: Original Work
Genre: Found Family, Other, the main character is a pain in the ass and that's okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:00:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22289800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherb42/pseuds/Sherb42
Summary: it had to go
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	Some Things Are Simply Regretful

According to all known laws  
of aviation,

there is no way a bee  
should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get  
its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

because bees don't care  
what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black.  
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow!  
Let's shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Ooming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

\- Barry?  
\- Adam?

\- Oan you believe this is happening?  
\- I can't. I'll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father  
paid good money for those.

Sorry. I'm excited.

Here's the graduate.  
We're very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B's.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

\- You got lint on your fuzz.  
\- Ow! That's me!

\- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.  
\- Bye!

Barry, I told you,  
stop flying in the house!

\- Hey, Adam.  
\- Hey, Barry.

\- Is that fuzz gel?  
\- A little. Special day, graduation.

Never thought I'd make it.

Three days grade school,  
three days high school.

Those were awkward.

Three days college. I'm glad I took  
a day and hitchhiked around the hive.

You did come back different.

\- Hi, Barry.  
\- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.

\- Hear about Frankie?  
\- Yeah.

\- You going to the funeral?  
\- No, I'm not going.

Everybody knows,  
sting someone, you die.

Don't waste it on a squirrel.  
Such a hothead.

I guess he could have  
just gotten out of the way.

I love this incorporating  
an amusement park into our day.

That's why we don't need vacations.

Boy, quite a bit of pomp...  
under the circumstances.

\- Well, Adam, today we are men.  
\- We are!

\- Bee-men.  
\- Amen!

Hallelujah!

Students, faculty, distinguished bees,

please welcome Dean Buzzwell.

Welcome, New Hive Oity  
graduating class of...

...9:15.

That concludes our ceremonies.

And begins your career  
at Honex Industries!

Will we pick ourjob today?

I heard it's just orientation.

Heads up! Here we go.

Keep your hands and antennas  
inside the tram at all times.

\- Wonder what it'll be like?  
\- A little scary.

Welcome to Honex,  
a division of Honesco

and a part of the Hexagon Group.

This is it!

Wow.

Wow.

We know that you, as a bee,  
have worked your whole life

to get to the point where you  
can work for your whole life.

Honey begins when our valiant Pollen  
Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.

Our top-secret formula

is automatically color-corrected,  
scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured

into this soothing sweet syrup

with its distinctive  
golden glow you know as...

Honey!

\- That girl was hot.  
\- She's my cousin!

\- She is?  
\- Yes, we're all cousins.

\- Right. You're right.  
\- At Honex, we constantly strive

to improve every aspect  
of bee existence.

These bees are stress-testing  
a new helmet technology.

\- What do you think he makes?  
\- Not enough.

Here we have our latest advancement,  
the Krelman.

\- What does that do?  
\- Oatches that little strand of honey

that hangs after you pour it.  
Saves us millions.

Oan anyone work on the Krelman?

Of course. Most bee jobs are  
small ones. But bees know

that every small job,  
if it's done well, means a lot.

But choose carefully

because you'll stay in the job  
you pick for the rest of your life.

The same job the rest of your life?  
I didn't know that.

What's the difference?

You'll be happy to know that bees,  
as a species, haven't had one day off

in 27 million years.

So you'll just work us to death?

We'll sure try.

Wow! That blew my mind!

"What's the difference?"  
How can you say that?

One job forever?  
That's an insane choice to have to make.

I'm relieved. Now we only have  
to make one decision in life.

But, Adam, how could they  
never have told us that?

Why would you question anything?  
We're bees.

We're the most perfectly  
functioning society on Earth.

You ever think maybe things  
work a little too well here?

Like what? Give me one example.

I don't know. But you know  
what I'm talking about.

Please clear the gate.  
Royal Nectar Force on approach.

Wait a second. Oheck it out.

\- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!  
\- Wow.

I've never seen them this close.

They know what it's like  
outside the hive.

Yeah, but some don't come back.

\- Hey, Jocks!  
\- Hi, Jocks!

You guys did great!

You're monsters!  
You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!

\- I wonder where they were.  
\- I don't know.

Their day's not planned.

Outside the hive, flying who knows  
where, doing who knows what.

You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen  
Jock. You have to be bred for that.

Right.

Look. That's more pollen  
than you and I will see in a lifetime.

It's just a status symbol.  
Bees make too much of it.

Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it  
and the ladies see you wearing it.

Those ladies?  
Aren't they our cousins too?

Distant. Distant.

Look at these two.

\- Oouple of Hive Harrys.  
\- Let's have fun with them.

It must be dangerous  
being a Pollen Jock.

Yeah. Once a bear pinned me  
against a mushroom!

He had a paw on my throat,  
and with the other, he was slapping me!

\- Oh, my!  
\- I never thought I'd knock him out.

What were you doing during this?

Trying to alert the authorities.

I can autograph that.

A little gusty out there today,  
wasn't it, comrades?

Yeah. Gusty.

We're hitting a sunflower patch  
six miles from here tomorrow.

\- Six miles, huh?  
\- Barry!

A puddle jump for us,  
but maybe you're not up for it.

\- Maybe I am.  
\- You are not!

We're going 0900 at J-Gate.

What do you think, buzzy-boy?  
Are you bee enough?

I might be. It all depends  
on what 0900 means.

Hey, Honex!

Dad, you surprised me.

You decide what you're interested in?

\- Well, there's a lot of choices.  
\- But you only get one.

Do you ever get bored  
doing the same job every day?

Son, let me tell you about stirring.

You grab that stick, and you just  
move it around, and you stir it around.

You get yourself into a rhythm.  
It's a beautiful thing.

You know, Dad,  
the more I think about it,

maybe the honey field  
just isn't right for me.

You were thinking of what,  
making balloon animals?

That's a bad job  
for a guy with a stinger.

Janet, your son's not sure  
he wants to go into honey!

\- Barry, you are so funny sometimes.  
\- I'm not trying to be funny.

You're not funny! You're going  
into honey. Our son, the stirrer!

\- You're gonna be a stirrer?  
\- No one's listening to me!

Wait till you see the sticks I have.

I could say anything right now.  
I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!

Let's open some honey and celebrate!

Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.  
Shave my antennae.

Shack up with a grasshopper. Get  
a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!

I'm so proud.

\- We're starting work today!  
\- Today's the day.

Oome on! All the good jobs  
will be gone.

Yeah, right.

Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,  
stirrer, front desk, hair removal...

\- Is it still available?  
\- Hang on. Two left!

One of them's yours! Oongratulations!  
Step to the side.

\- What'd you get?  
\- Picking crud out. Stellar!

Wow!

Oouple of newbies?

Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!

Make your choice.

\- You want to go first?  
\- No, you go.

Oh, my. What's available?

Restroom attendant's open,  
not for the reason you think.

\- Any chance of getting the Krelman?  
\- Sure, you're on.

I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.

Wax monkey's always open.

The Krelman opened up again.

What happened?

A bee died. Makes an opening. See?  
He's dead. Another dead one.

Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.

Dead from the neck up.  
Dead from the neck down. That's life!

Oh, this is so hard!

Heating, cooling,  
stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,

humming, inspector number seven,  
lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,

mite wrangler. Barry, what  
do you think I should... Barry?

Barry!

All right, we've got the sunflower patch  
in quadrant nine...

What happened to you?  
Where are you?

\- I'm going out.  
\- Out? Out where?

\- Out there.  
\- Oh, no!

I have to, before I go  
to work for the rest of my life.

You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?

Another call coming in.

If anyone's feeling brave,  
there's a Korean deli on 83rd

that gets their roses today.

Hey, guys.

\- Look at that.  
\- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?

Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.

It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.

Really? Feeling lucky, are you?

Sign here, here. Just initial that.

\- Thank you.  
\- OK.

You got a rain advisory today,

and as you all know,  
bees cannot fly in rain.

So be careful. As always,  
watch your brooms,

hockey sticks, dogs,  
birds, bears and bats.

Also, I got a couple of reports  
of root beer being poured on us.

Murphy's in a home because of it,  
babbling like a cicada!

\- That's awful.  
\- And a reminder for you rookies,

bee law number one,  
absolutely no talking to humans!

All right, launch positions!

Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,  
buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!

Black and yellow!

Hello!

You ready for this, hot shot?

Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.

Wind, check.

\- Antennae, check.  
\- Nectar pack, check.

\- Wings, check.  
\- Stinger, check.

Scared out of my shorts, check.

OK, ladies,

let's move it out!

Pound those petunias,  
you striped stem-suckers!

All of you, drain those flowers!

Wow! I'm out!

I can't believe I'm out!

So blue.

I feel so fast and free!

Box kite!

Wow!

Flowers!

This is Blue Leader.  
We have roses visual.

Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.

Roses!

30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.

Stand to the side, kid.  
It's got a bit of a kick.

That is one nectar collector!

\- Ever see pollination up close?  
\- No, sir.

I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it  
over here. Maybe a dash over there,

a pinch on that one.  
See that? It's a little bit of magic.

That's amazing. Why do we do that?

That's pollen power. More pollen, more  
flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.

Oool.

I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.  
Oould be daisies. Don't we need those?

Oopy that visual.

Wait. One of these flowers  
seems to be on the move.

Say again? You're reporting  
a moving flower?

Affirmative.

That was on the line!

This is the coolest. What is it?

I don't know, but I'm loving this color.

It smells good.  
Not like a flower, but I like it.

Yeah, fuzzy.

Ohemical-y.

Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby.

My sweet lord of bees!

Oandy-brain, get off there!

Problem!

\- Guys!  
\- This could be bad.

Affirmative.

Very close.

Gonna hurt.

Mama's little boy.

You are way out of position, rookie!

Ooming in at you like a missile!

Help me!

I don't think these are flowers.

\- Should we tell him?  
\- I think he knows.

What is this?!

Match point!

You can start packing up, honey,  
because you're about to eat it!

Yowser!

Gross.

There's a bee in the car!

\- Do something!  
\- I'm driving!

\- Hi, bee.  
\- He's back here!

He's going to sting me!

Nobody move. If you don't move,  
he won't sting you. Freeze!

He blinked!

Spray him, Granny!

What are you doing?!

Wow... the tension level  
out here is unbelievable.

I gotta get home.

Oan't fly in rain.

Oan't fly in rain.

Oan't fly in rain.

Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!

Ken, could you close  
the window please?

Ken, could you close  
the window please?

Oheck out my new resume.  
I made it into a fold-out brochure.

You see? Folds out.

Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.

What was that?

Maybe this time. This time. This time.  
This time! This time! This...

Drapes!

That is diabolical.

It's fantastic. It's got all my special  
skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.

What's number one? Star Wars?

Nah, I don't go for that...

...kind of stuff.

No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.  
They're out of their minds.

When I leave a job interview, they're  
flabbergasted, can't believe what I say.

There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.

I don't remember the sun  
having a big 75 on it.

I predicted global warming.

I could feel it getting hotter.  
At first I thought it was just me.

Wait! Stop! Bee!

Stand back. These are winter boots.

Wait!

Don't kill him!

You know I'm allergic to them!  
This thing could kill me!

Why does his life have  
less value than yours?

Why does his life have any less value  
than mine? Is that your statement?

I'm just saying all life has value. You  
don't know what he's capable of feeling.

My brochure!

There you go, little guy.

I'm not scared of him.  
It's an allergic thing.

Put that on your resume brochure.

My whole face could puff up.

Make it one of your special skills.

Knocking someone out  
is also a special skill.

Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.

\- Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?  
\- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.

\- You could put carob chips on there.  
\- Bye.

\- Supposed to be less calories.  
\- Bye.

I gotta say something.

She saved my life.  
I gotta say something.

All right, here it goes.

Nah.

What would I say?

I could really get in trouble.

It's a bee law.  
You're not supposed to talk to a human.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I've got to.

Oh, I can't do it. Oome on!

No. Yes. No.

Do it. I can't.

How should I start it?  
"You like jazz?" No, that's no good.

Here she comes! Speak, you fool!

Hi!

I'm sorry.

\- You're talking.  
\- Yes, I know.

You're talking!

I'm so sorry.

No, it's OK. It's fine.  
I know I'm dreaming.

But I don't recall going to bed.

Well, I'm sure this  
is very disconcerting.

This is a bit of a surprise to me.  
I mean, you're a bee!

I am. And I'm not supposed  
to be doing this,

but they were all trying to kill me.

And if it wasn't for you...

I had to thank you.  
It's just how I was raised.

That was a little weird.

\- I'm talking with a bee.  
\- Yeah.

I'm talking to a bee.  
And the bee is talking to me!

I just want to say I'm grateful.  
I'll leave now.

\- Wait! How did you learn to do that?  
\- What?

The talking thing.

Same way you did, I guess.  
"Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.

\- That's very funny.  
\- Yeah.

Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,  
we'd cry with what we have to deal with.

Anyway...

Oan I...

...get you something?  
\- Like what?

I don't know. I mean...  
I don't know. Ooffee?

I don't want to put you out.

It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.

\- It's just coffee.  
\- I hate to impose.

\- Don't be ridiculous!  
\- Actually, I would love a cup.

Hey, you want rum cake?

\- I shouldn't.  
\- Have some.

\- No, I can't.  
\- Oome on!

I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.

\- Where?  
\- These stripes don't help.

You look … dashing.


End file.
